Memoirs
by Blossom187
Summary: A small tale of Ulquiorra's life until he found himself as the fourth espada.


Because waiting for Ulqui-chan's flashback is tiring me. It's rather short and maybe I'll add more chapters to it later but I don't know for sure.

English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes. ^^

Happy reading!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly for me, I don't own Bleach.

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He didn't remember a thing about his life as a human and quite frankly he didn't want to. It couldn't have been all that great if he ended up turning into a hollow – his early days as one was something he wished he couldn't remember either.

It was all very confusing at first but it all ended up the same for all of them, a bottomless pit of utter despair. Despair that only increased as he watched other people live their unsuspecting lives without realizing how pointless it all was and the more he saw humans being bossed around by their own hearts the more he grew to know anger.

That feeling was the only one he harbored as decided to get as far away as he could from Earth and go exist ( for he was hardly living) somewhere else – anywhere as long as there were nothing close to a heart in it. He ended up in the depths of Hueco Mundo, a world of endless night and death, and what followed came as suddenly as his turning into what he was now.

One second he was all alone in his head and the next he was part of a gathering of hundreds of beings alike him. They differed, though. His 'companions' had all settled for a life of blankness, their only rule to devour more and more hollows. It was an existence far better than to just dwell in anguish, he knew that very well and so did they.

However, as the others faded into nothing, losing more of themselves than they already had, he found himself gaining more and more consciousness. It had striked him as odd several times that he, for some unfathomable reason, simply could not let go of his anger and despair, which made him wonder if this insane agreement he was forced to accept was advantageous after all.

What was the point in sharing a ridiculously huge body, that moved slower that the slowest being and with a mind as inferior as one could possibly be if he was going to carry the burden alone? It made no sense, therefore he made the resolution to ban those useless hollows to the back of his mind and only use them as a source of power.

Some immeasurable amount of time later he found himself quite smaller, faster, with strength much greater and with a more capable brain. He got himself a name, Ulquiorra – not that it made much difference since no one would address him, but he figured it would allow a better grasp to his individuality.

He evolved and his power grew, leaving him colder and ironically more human in his outside appearance – inside, though, he looked the same as he did way back when, he was the true face of agony, although his blind rage had been subdued to disgust.

Everything changed the day a shinigami barged into Hueco Mundo and charmed all around him with the prospect of power and greatness. Ulquiorra was not fooled by the mans speech but agreed with his offer nonetheless. He found himself only half wrong about his assumptions of Aizen, he had been right about doubting his promise of greatness to all of his Espada since Aizen only wished for his personal greatness (with no place for sharing), using even the other two shinigami he had brought from Soul Society with him. Ulquiorra, however, was wrong in doubting his upgrade in power – it all worked for the best, he thought.

He led this new existence the same way he led the previous ones, with a mask of sheer apathy and a dead, anguished void where his..._heart_, as those tiresome humans would say, most likely was once upon a time.

There was only one thing that set him aside from the other Espada: it did not matter to Ulquiorra if Aizen would ever make his ambitious plans come true or not, he was using Aizen as much as he was using him. Ulquiorra would follow orders, and address him respectfully but he knew that if Aizen ever became a bother he would find the means to erase his existence.

However, what Ulquiorra didn't know was that his resolution to pretend to be a good subordinate and follow orders dutifully would change his life forever.

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Now, now, how about leaving a review? It won't hurt I promise.


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